After demanding his inheritance, squandering his wealth on loose living and damaging his kidney to boot, Johnny Wilkinson may be coming home to the National Rugby team.
Coach Brian Ashton confided to our reporter: "I'd go out on the balcony every day and night looking for my boy to come home! Then one day I saw a bent-doubled like beggar figure making its way down the road and I could hardly believe my eyes! As he got closer and closer, I saw it was my boy Johnny. I ran out to greet him, ordered the servants to put rings on his fingers and bells on his toes. Wrap him in my finest robe, kill the fatted calf and let's celebrate!"
Guardian sports reports: "Insiders believe Ashton will be tempted to sit Wilkinson down and ask him if he feels ready to resume a Test career which, so far, has yielded a staggering 864 points in 57 Tests for England.
"In that event, Wilkinson will bite his hand off, fully aware his assorted injuries have all come in a Newcastle shirt. Since recovering from neck and shoulder surgery in 2004, he has been sidelined by injuries to a bicep, both knees and his left shoulder, as well as a hernia of the groin and an operation to remove his appendix. His longest unbroken run at club level without injury since December 2003 has been 10 games"
Competing Half-Wing,Sean Olderbro is furious about the return of Wilkinson: "I've slaved for Ashton and England and this good-for-nothin' comes home after whorin' about and they kill the fatted calf for him! I told Ashton that he never even gave me and my mates a goat to party with!"
Coach Ashton is reported to have gone to Olderbro and begged him to forgive and forget. Sources close to the English coach say they heard him plead with Sean: "Your bro was lost but now he's found;dead but now he's alive!"
At this time no one knows if Olderbro will join the "party" or not...