Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 25 January 2007

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Gutted, but not like a fish

Melbourne Park - (Rioters): World tennis superstar Roger Federer admitted he was utterly gutted at having to play three sets in one hour and twenty three minutes in order to wipe the floor with number six seed Andy Roddick in the Australian Open semi-finals in Melbourne today.

"I am gutted", he said. "I was expecting something quite different and will now have to revise my performance with my coach. We'll be watching the entire video footage of the match tonight to see just where it all went so pear-shaped.

"I know that many fans had stayed up all night to watch us play and I can only say 'sorry guys' for the resulting calamity.

"Andy played his usual tough guy game and I had hoped we'd spin it out a little, maybe 6-4, 6-4, 7-5 with the tie break in the third. But no way. No way could I do anything about it.

"Soon as Andy started fiddling with his baseball cap, twitching his shirt and looking deadly earnest on the baseline, something in me just snapped. I just knew his dedication to fidgeting is so overwhelming that he'd hand me the match on a plate. I think it's called compulsion."

Federer now faces both Fernando Gonzalez AND Tommy Haas in the final, who together will oppose the world number one seed in a desperate bid to see if two men can beat him when one is clearly not enough.

Meanwhile a spokesman for Roddick said the Nebraska wonder-boy was unable to comment on today's match until recovering fully from a bout of verbal rigor mortis.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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