It has been revealed that Tony Blair has adopted Scots tennis ace Andy Murray (15), in a move that will be seen as a bare-faced attempt to give the English something to cheer about after the Ashes whitewash. English adoption will allow Murray to take out English citizenship, wear the cross of St George, and be cheered on by partisan English tennis crowds.
Last night, Blair made up a bed for the former Scot in 10 Downing Street, and gave him one-to-one counselling on how to cope with over-optimistic English crowds.
In a hastily convened press conference in front of the usual cheering crowds, Blair said: 'Hey! Ya know, this isn't some kinda bare-faced idea to cheer up the English after the Big Brother farce. I really love the guy.'
Murray's real father and manager, Sam Neill, is out of the country securing sponsorship deals for the Englishman, and defended claims that he just handed his son over to Blair.
'We didnay let him go across the border for nothing. Och noo. Many a mickle muckle macmuckle, ye ken?'
Blair closed the press conference with: 'Now, if you'll excuse me, there are only five months till Wimbledon, and we've gotta lick this lad into shape, yah. We don't want another Henman.'