St Louis, MO. - President Bush, increasingly concerned about a possible avian flu (bird flu) pandemic, recently revealed that a highly contagious strain of bird flu may be impossible to contain.
Scientists at the Center for Disease Control (CDC) detected a strain of bird flu that specifically targets the Northern Cardinal. The disease was first expressed in Cardinals indigenous to the Southwestern region of the United States, known commonly as the Arizona Cardinal. The disease was first detected in 1988, and while the disease hasn't migrated out of the region, it has exhibited a high likelihood for being contagious.
Just in case, experts are tracking the new flu strain in and around the St. Louis area, where a large concentration of the Cardinal population dwells. Most human cases have been linked to contact with sick Cardinals, but the World Health Organization (WHO) has warned the virus could mutate into a form that spreads easily among all humans.
Scientists ask that you be on the lookout for Cardinals exhibiting somatic symptoms such as anemia, stumbling, choking, and falling from grace; all possible signs of infection. Should such an illness manifest itself in a number of Cardinals in the St. Louis area, quarantine is imminent. The citizens of St. Louis should expect a dramatic falloff in attendance, even with the strength of a World Series victory. After all, death has a way of keeping the fans away.