Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Wednesday, 17 January 2007

image for Dubai International Capital Set Their Sights On Irish Camogie Team
Maggie loves a bit of it

Dubai International Capital (DIC), the state owned investment company currently in negotiations with Premiership football team Liverpool have today revealed their interest in ladies Camogie team Clonkill Curlers.

A spokesman for DIC confirmed the groups interest in the Midlands Camogie team "We are in the process of formulating an offer. If we are successful we will transform the Curlers into the worlds' greatest Camogie team. Camogie is a very exciting and skilful game that has a huge following in the Middle East. Any sport that has 30 young ladies beating each other with sticks is bound to attract a massive television audience.

"Our Chief Executive, Sameer Al Ansari is a major fan of the game and hasn't missed an All Ireland final in 15 years. Should our bid be successful, we will buy the best Camogie players in the world and we have already drawn up plans to build a 75,000 seater stadium for Clonkill. Lindsay Lohan shall be the new club captain as she is of irish descent and Paris Hilton and Britney Spears will be 'Head' cheerleaders because they'll do anything for the publicity"

Club President, Marie O'Callaghan, admitted to local radio station, Midlands Radio 3, that the audacious bid had come as bit of a shock. "Well to be honest, it was a bit of a shock, and to be quite truthful, we are not sure what to do about it at the moment", said a clearly flustered Mrs O'Callaghan who was packing customer shopping bags in a local supermarket to raise funds for the club.

"We were training last Thursday evening when a large helicopter landed at the end of the pitch and 5 men in Lawrence of Arabia clothes approached us and told us of their interest. I tried to explain to them that Camogie teams are part of the GAA (Gaelic Athletic Association) and as such we are an amateur association, but they just wouldn't take no for an answer".

A high ranking executive for DIC who declined to be named told us that they valued the Curlers at 70-75million Euro but would be prepared to go as high as 100million Euro should a rival bidder appear.

GAA County Board Chairman and local Publican, Sean Flannery issued a press release in which he stated, "any organisation willing to invest in the Clonkill Curlers or any other ladies Camogie teams would be warmly received by the Westmeath County Board".

Reports that the ladies would have to wear burkhas during matches were neither confirmed or denied by DIC representatives.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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