Ian 'Beefy' Botham has slammed those headline writers that always say he slams things.
Speaking from Japan where he is commentating for ITV on the Ashes cricket between India and Pakistan he told The Spoof:
"I'm getting fed up with it. According to these guys I'm always slamming things left right and centre and it's just not true. If it doesn't stop I'm gonna get hold of these clowns and slam their heads together"
He then stormed off and chinned a production assistant as he left the studio, en route to a well known Mumbai curry house where he ate three lamb phals and downed 23 pints of strong Indian lager, before coming back to his hotel room at 5.30am.
His old sparring partner Alan 'Lamby' Lamb told us:
"Beefy's a different bloke nowadays and he can get a bit tetchy when he thinks things are going against him. He'd still rather be out there with Johnny Wilkinson and the rest of the lads kicking the winning drop-goal that sees his team taking the world three day eventing championships at Wembley; just like he did all those years ago"