Written by Fife Peterson
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Friday, 29 December 2006

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No Cool Runnings For The Chelsea Team

Chelsea Football Club are currently investigating a breakout of a mystery illness which is being described by officials as "highly Contagious".

It was first reported after Tuesdays 2-2 draw at home to Reading after Mickael Essien blamed his own goal effort on feeling "Deeply Unwell". It is thought the player suffered a chronic diarrhoea attack on the pitch, contributing to the own goal. Essien was clearly seen running from the pitch at full time, clutching his club shorts.

Three unnamed players have been affected & it's thought that it could severely affect Chelsea's ability to keep the pressure on Manchester United. Alex Ferguson said to reporters outside his home this morning,

"I won't say we aren't laughing our heads off at United, their run is over. I'm sorry that's all I want to say right now, it's in the bag!".

The Football Association are looking into a catering firm, Filthy Foods LTD who at present are supplying Chelsea with club meals.

The firm were linked to a previous incident involving West Ham Football Club where two youth team players died as a result of eating contaminated sausage rolls & scotch eggs.

Filthy Foods LTD chairman Barry McFriedog was unavailable for comment today, the Police have been notified & have begun investigations to the actual source of the outbreak.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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