Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 23 December 2006

image for Former Dallas Cowboy Receives Kidney from Teammate
Football: made with bladders, helps replace kidneys

Ron Springs, former running back for the NFL Dallas Cowboys, needs a kidney transplant to live. That kidney is being donated by former defensive back and teammate, Everson Walls.

Cowboy coach Bill Parcells, impressed by the generousity and compassion of Walls, has called upon other former Cowboys to donate body parts and talents to his team.

"I need Cliff Harris, Charlie Waters, and other defensive backs to donate their ability to cover passes and tackle."

"I need Tony Dorsett and Emmitt Smith to donate their ability to gain over 10,000 yards rushing to my running backs."

"I need Rafael Septien, Efren Herrera, and the other kickers to give us the ability to make field goals and get our kick-offs to the end zone."

"If we have any players out there who have lost their voice and become mute, I need them to donate their not working vocal cords to Terrell Owens so that we can shut him up. He also needs a pair of hands from Drew Pearson, Tony Hill, Butch Johnson, Bob Hayes, or one of the other great receivers. We should also give him Michael Irvin's or Thomas Henderson's drug addiction so that he can actually stay awake during team meetings."

"I need to bring back the run stopping abilities of the former Doomsday defense. Imagine my guys now with the talents of Bob Lilly, Jethro Pugh, Larry Cole, Randy White, Harvey Martin, or Too Tall Jones on the line?"

"Larry Allen, Ralph Neely, Rayfield Wright, and others could donate their ability to pass and run block to our offensive line. We sure need help there because Tony Romo sure is scrambling around trying not to got sacked!"

"In fact, we could also give Tony the scrambling ability of Roger Staubach until the blocking ability kicks in with the linemen!"

"Everson Walls has really started something with this selfless donation. With his idea, I can bring back the old America's team talent and win a few more Super Bowls. Who knows, I might even start wearing Tom Landry's fedora!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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