Written by King David
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Topics: Driving, Golf, Racing

Tuesday, 19 December 2006

image for Racer Ricky Bobby Killed In Golf Cart Accident
The accident caused a terrible tailback

Stock car racer, Ricky Bobby was killed today when the golf cart that he was driving went out of control and flipped several times killing Bobby instantly. Eye witnesses say that the stock car driver was rounding the turn next to the 7th fairway at Augusta when he lost control of his cart and it flipped over.

"He was on his way to use his five-iron," said long-time friend and golfing buddy, "Junior Mints" Johnson. "I think that he just got too excited and tried to rush his shot."

Apparently Bobby had just finished hitting one of the best drives that he'd had all day and was getting ready to set up for his next shot when the accident occurred.

"It always happens when we least expect it," says sports commentator Alan Iverson. "Everything seems to be going our way and then, bang, it's all gone."

Officials of course were concerned that Bobby may not have been going the posted speed limit for golf carts on the course.

"We know that Bobby had a thing for speed and that the engine in his cart had probably been tampered with," said one official.

Others saw Bobby in the club house two hours prior to the accident getting sloshed with members from the Cincinnati Bengal's NFL football team. The golf course strictly prohibits drinking and driving of the carts and warns that members who fail to abide by these rules will have their driver's licenses revoked.

Funeral arrangements are with the Holy Cow funeral home in Charlotte, Bobby's hometown. Services will be graveside, and, because Ricky Bobby would have wanted it that way, open to the public. The Reverend, Dr. Monte D. Python will be presiding.

Members of the family say that Bobby's casket will be modified with wheels and be in the style of one of the first stock cars, an open-wheeled midget. Family members ask that all donations be made to The Children of Former Moon Shiner's Fund.

Prior to burial, the casket will be rolled down a hill above the gravesite and steered into the grave by a midget inside of the casket with Bobby. Officials presiding over the service say that they hope that the men working in the grave yard remember to bring a ladder, or rope to get the midget out of the grave before they begin burial.

Bobby, the most recent winner of the Talladega 500, left behind two children and a trophy wife. The race car driver was 50.

In other news today, Michael Jackson turns 40, other parts of him, 15.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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