Written by Backandtotheleft
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Friday, 15 September 2017

Arsenal kicked off their UEFA Eu-Hopeless league campaign with a disastrous 3-1 home win against FC Koln. In a match that will be remembered for its intense crowd violence long after all the gutless players for Arsenal die from having no guts.

An unimpressed Graeme Souness complained:

It's just so typical Arsenal. They give three thousand tickets to the away fans and twenty thousand turn up. Not content with letting runners through from midfield their allowing them to run through from Germany. It's a disgrace.

Before traitorous pundit and hard core Brexiteer Paul Merson chipped in with:

As usual this once great club has embarrassed itself and is the talk of Europe for all the wrong reasons. Losing at half time? You couldn't make this up. It's time for Wenger, the players, the grounds men, the club shop employees and the car park attendants to hold their hands up and walk away. Time for some real men's men to take over.

After being asked if he watched the second half where Arsenal completed a comeback to win the game he said:

This is football not the women's international knitting championships! This isn't about "second half's" or "comebacks" this is about results and that's what Arsenal lack. Do you think Jose ever worries about second half's? The clubs gone to the dogs.

For the record Arsenal won 3-1 on the night with Kolsanic, Sanchez and Bellerin scoring in what turned out to be a comfortable victory.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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