Written by Gringo Lobos
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Topics: Sport

Tuesday, 5 September 2017

image for Latest Bogan Sport - Hoon Spectator Toasting or what is known colloquially as Crowd Spraying
Aussies get a good laugh from watchnig their mates burning up in the new craze "Crowd Spraying"

Now the Aussie Bogans (Rednecks) have been doing mindless burnouts for years they are bored and have moved on for the next cheap thrill. So someone came up with the idea of putting a small fuel leak over the back tires so that they light up.

This is said to be the latest great breakthrough in entertainment for the masses. It was tried out with great success for the first time at the Red Centre Hoons Festival. Despite the obvious risks to spectators experienced hoons were encouraged to start a fire out the back of their car whilst within 3 metres of the spectators.

Spectators were asked what they thought of the weekends crowd spray, with many seeing it as the new great thing to come along. Many spectators are turning this into a passage of rites ritual with the one that stands the closest and gets the most burns deemed the alpha male.

Whilst some more timid spectators are using fireman suits, the real fair dinkum aussies are setting dress standards and burn ratings to compare who is the greatest alpha male. Only thongs, shorts and singlets and a tinnie (open can of beer) are permitted, but they can wear a hat. Organizers say, "after all we are very safety conscious and don't won't anyone getting sunburn".

Points are given for
Closeness to fire
Extent of skin burns
Amount of clothes burnt off
How little they care about the damage (this is where the tinnie helps) and
Of course points for spectator cheers

The winner gets a free ride to the Burns Unit in Sydney Hospital, the losers only get their life scared forever.

The government spinner said that this sort of behavior was inappropriate, particularly when the government is focused on beating the New Zealand invasion within the courts. But in a further erosion of Malcomlm WhatsHisName popularity the invaders said that Crowd Spraying looked like a lot of fun and would be legalized when they took official power soon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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