Strange bedfellows business and education were in the news again today to announce a special partnership. In exchange for valuable dream material to make new balls out of, adolescents with unrealistic dreams of becoming sports stars will have their dreams extracted in a relatively painless process that lasts not much more than 20 minutes, a little more than the time spent thinking realistically about having them in the first place.
"We'd like to think that we were doing something useful with recycled material," a spokesman for the company, Will-son Bendover said. "And that we are providing the community with a valuable service."
Unrealistic dreams may be extracted by using a small, hand-held sports pump stuck in the anus of an adolescent and sucked out in reverse (Bubba Hotep eat your heart out) for 20 minutes.
"We use the flower portal because it is the same place that someone encouraged these youngsters by blowing smoke up their asses to make them think that they could be sports stars in the first place," a spokesman for the company said.
"We'd like to think that we are practical and are offering a service to these youth who will hopefully thank us one day for taking their unrealistic dreams away."
Incidence of this occurrence seems to be higher from the 12 to 16-year-old range company officials said.
School systems across the country are in the process of creating a system of standards for High School and Middle School levels that tell companies which student's dreams may be extracted and whose may not. A complete list of these standards will be out on a national website next month.
It is said that players who make the starting team of any one of the following three sports: Football, baseball and basketball all three years in high school may not be tampered with. As well, star players whose play is consistently way above average all season in one of those sports may not be tampered with either. This will provide for those sporting anomalies such as Michael Jordan who come out of nowhere to be the best.
Clauses will be put into dream donor contracts that allow no other company producing balls out of the same substance to approach these boys. "We want to keep this as clean as possible," said Larson Jennings spokesman for company contracts. "These boys need to stay focused on academics."
He continued,"This is cutting edge stuff without the cutting edge. Players used to complain about cutting their finger tips on the composite balls, but no more, not with our dream substance. Dream substance allows the ball to just float from a player's fingers into the net."
"We go by the notion that everyone has a shot, but not at the same dream. We're not really all created equal."
In other news today, the movie, "White Men Can't Jump" is making a remarkable return at the box offices.