Written by Backandtotheleft
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Thursday, 15 June 2017

International marketing firm and social media gurus, Manchester United, have dropped their biggest hint yet that England Captain Wayne Rooney will be leaving the club. United's record goal scored has spent time on the substitutes bench this season and despite it's cushioned seats he's starting to get a numb bum.

An email was sent to all the kebab shops in Manchester informing them that they could experience a shortfall in profits if the player was to move abroad. Although the fact that Luke "Nando's" Shaw was still around held some crumbs of comfort. Not for long though as Shaw ate them as well.

United's newly appointed "Conductor of Evil" Jose Morurin...Morainah....Maurinho? something like that has commented:

"It is important to remember I am important. I am ready and I am feeling strong. Arsene Wenger? Is he strong? I do not know. I don't talk about such things. I talk only about my club, my trophies, my importance and Arsene Wenger. But I never talk about Arsene Wenger you cannot accuse me of that. Is Rooney going to leave? I don't know have you asked Arsene Wenger? He has all the answers. But I don't comment on that."

Although enlightening it was still a little bit weird to hear him say such things in a train toilet. Especially while we were using it. He didn't even pass us the toilet roll.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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