Written by StubbornGorilla
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Topics: NFL, Jay Cutler

Friday, 5 May 2017

image for Jay Cutler vows to work just as hard in the press booth as he did on the field
Jay Cutler

Immediately after it was announced that Jay Cutler would be joining the Fox Sports broadcasting team, Cutler was seen taking a puff off his cigarette and giving a smug grin.

When asked if he planned to put all of his efforts into his new career, Cutler responded, "yeah, sure."

Jay Cutler has made it know that he would still be willing to forego his new job if someone would offer him a full-time starting gig at quarterback, but most teams are a bit unsure as to what Cutler's definition of full time is. With only four full seasons in his ten year career, it is safe to assume that you could let Cutler start six or seven games, and he might consider that a full season's worth of work.

He later added that he would try just as hard off the field as he did on the field, which is to say that Jay Cutler will occasionally exert some effort, but should only be expected to give his best about 18% of the time.

Although, his win/loss percentage is just below 50% with a career 69-72 record, you have to figure the defense won well over half of those games for him. At one point statisticians considered crediting about half of his touchdown passes to retired linebacker Brian Urlacher, but the NFL balked at the idea of giving any type of recognition to the defensive aspect of the game.

Fox is optimistic that Cutler will "show up" for every broadcast he shows up for, but It was not a good sign when one of his first questions after entering a press box was, "where are the hammocks?"

No word yet on how he will bow out when he realizes deep down that he isn't that good, but can't come to fully admit it to himself, but our money is on a "strained vocal chord" injury.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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