Written by Jeff Springmeier
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Tuesday, 25 April 2017

After a devastating 4-0 Series loss against the Golden State Warriors, the Portland Trail Blazers have shifted focus to their next opponent, the Central PA Elite 14U AAU team. We caught up with Central PA Elite's head coach Mark Hofsass.

"I'm feeling pretty confident going into this weekend's game. The Warriors really beat down the Blazers physically and emotionally. I mean, they barely played their A-squad. I'm pretty sure I even saw Evan Turner crying on the bench."

When asked specifically about the guard play for the Blazers, the Coach said that Lillard should stick to rapping, because either way, he is not doing much with his career.

Rip City has a potential match-up with either of the tourney favorites, the Hickory High Huskers or the Toon Squad, in the second round. When asked, Portland guard C.J. McCollum was not looking towards the future.

"Man, are you kidding me! We need to take this tournament one game at a time. Look what happened to us last series. You people are pathetic, talking about next game when we haven't even lost this one yet."

The Elite are looking to improve over the last few years as they peaked at 16 in the 2015 14U national power rankings. Their guard play has been impressive, but their rebounding needs to improve if they want to burst into the top 10.

"We just need to continue our progression and focus, there are plenty of distractions facing these young men." Coach Hofsass continued, "Jared has a huge test on Thursday and Timmy missed practice last week because he was grounded. But, I feel the team can really streamline their focus to get this W."

Our staff reached out to Blazer's coach Terry Stots, but his agent told us he is no longer associated with the Trail Blazers organization.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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