Written by Duff
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Monday, 11 December 2006

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Schumacher was a beeg feelthy cheat, innit?

Michael Schumacher, who to some is the best Formula One driver ever to have lived, could in fact be no more than a dirty cheat.

That's according to Giovanni Palucca, who until recently was part of the Ferrari team that saw the German Ace win his way to the top.

Palucca told our sports correspondent Dickie Davies.

"Schumacher was a beeg feelthy cheat, innit? He wasa getting us to soup up heesa car and run it ofa rocket fuel instead ofa de normal juice.

"Then he get us to pees ina de tank ofa all hees fellow competitors sosa they coulda not go so fast!"

But tonight Formula One supremo, Bernie Ecclestone, hit back, branding Palucca as a disgraced fantasist who had been recently exposed as not having been a properly trained mechanic but who is in fact a Quick-fit fitter, from Ashby-de-la-Zouche, who'd managed to scam his way into the upper echelons of the vastly overrated sport.

Michael Schumacher was not available for comment but a mechanic who works for the local Ford Main Dealer said:

"I don't believe this Italian guy one bit. Schumie's a quality, class act like and he'd never cheat"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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