Written by Hey Hey Nixon-Cox
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Wednesday, 14 December 2016

Johnny Manziel and Tim Tebow: perhaps the most famous NCAA quarterbacks of their generation. They destroyed defenses on the ground and through the air, each earning the most coveted Heisman Trophy. Their short-lived NFL careers each saw their fair share of controversy, but for very different reasons. Tebow was both beloved and despised for his outspoken Christianity, but ultimately expelled from the NFL for being an undeniably atrocious passer. Manziel was fired from the Cleveland Browns for physically abusing his girlfriend and getting hammered in Vegas disguised in a blonde wig.

Now they'll be going from odd-men-out to odd couple! ESPN has announced it will be airing a new reality show featuring the failed football players as they embark on the next chapter of their lives. Tebow will continue his efforts to make the MLB roster of the New York Mets, while Manziel will continue his efforts to not die of alcohol poisoning.

Although they have agreed to try their best to support each other on their life's journey, problems have already erupted on the set of Johnny & Timmy. Production originally wanted the two stars to share bunk beds, but Manziel quickly nixed the idea of sharing a room with self-proclaimed virgin, Tim Tebow. Johnny 'Football' laughed it off but confirmed, "Yeah, there was no way I was sharing a bed with Tim."

He added, "Look, I am trying to cut down on my vices, but there's no way 'Money Manziel' is going more than 2 days without [having sexual intercourse] with a [woman]. I'd love to be Timmy's wing-man, but I don't think that's a priority for him. He seems more interested in getting intimate with his teammates, on the baseball field of course."

Times have been tough for Manziel as of late, but he's confident that partnering with the always inspirational Tebow will have a positive effect on his life. "Last year I had Von Miller as a mentor, but I think Tim will do a better job," hopes Manziel. "Sure, Von performs miracles on the field, but does he ever performed them in real life?" referring to two occasions where Tim Tebow was alleged to perform real-life miracles, even though he clearly just showed up at places where people were recovering from routine illnesses.

In addition to both being wildly popular athletic Heisman winning collegiate quarterbacks, they were also drafted to the MLB before flaming out in football. As such, Johnny & Timmy is set during MLB Spring training, andwill give fans an in-depth look at the Tim Tebow's "tryout" for the New York Mets. Johnny 'Football' was drafted by the San Diego Padres in 2014, so one would think he might try to follow in his co-star's footsteps. "Uh maybe, probably not," according to Manziel. "Let's be honest, Tebow probably won't make the farm team, and he tries really, really hard."

Will Johnny & Timmy show us a resurgence of these fallen titans of NCAA football? Will Tim Tebow return to glory as an all-star caliber right-fielder? Will Johnny Manziel get his life back together and find steady employment? To quote Manziel, "probably not". Unfortunately, Tebow will most likely go back to analyzing college football on ESPN and occasionally be credited with miracles, and Manziel will almost definitely maintain his downward spiral spending whatever money he has left to drink away his pain and impress young impressionable women while he still can. Tim Tebow was reached for comment but declined because he was busy "playing baseball with his teammates."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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