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Sunday, 10 December 2006

image for No Winners Please We're Not British
Rusedski will no longer take part in Wimbledon as a Brit

Rubbish third-rate Canadian tennis player, Greg Rusedski, was today counting the cost of no longer being regarded as British number one by the UK's sporting media.

Lord Norman Tebbitt told reporters:

"Well of course when he was showing a bit of form it suited the nation to embrace Greg and kid ourselves that he was British. Let's face it, our tennis players were appalling and it was a case of anybody who shows a bit of form that we can claim as ours, then we'll claim them.

It was the same for South African runner and disgraced cheater Zola Budd years ago, until she tripped Mary Decker up in a race and fell out of favour with the British public. We don't like cheaters.

Then what about yer man, Darren Clarke, from Northern Ireland who failed to win the BBC Sports Personality earlier tonight. He was British European Ryder Cup star all day until he came second to the Queen's daughter's daughter, Zorro Phyllis, and now he's just big sad overweight Irish Darren who's from Belfast or somewhere like that.

Rusedski Told The Sport:

"A couple of years ago I could get into any of London's top restaurants at a moment's notice but now I'd struggle to get a table by the toilets in 'The China Garden' in Dartford.

We asked leading sports psychologist Brent Shyster to comment on this phenomenon. He told us:

"It's easy. Everybody in the country likes to be associated with British winners, until that is, they become losers when of course we are able to see them for what they really are, which is third rate nobodies and worst of all... Bloody foreigners"

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