According to a think tank of "investment consultants" (read: probable wankers) a large group of Saudi Arabian investors are looking to invest in a number of "top London" football clubs. A statement which immediately ruled Tottenham Hotspur out of the equation.
After doing some digging, both literal and metaphorical (that garden will never be the same again) we discovered a list of potential changes that could be brought in. These include:
•The wearing of shorts will be forbidden. Any player caught with his shorts down or up will be stoned to death.
•Gay people will not be allowed into the stadium. Excessive celebration, touching, hugging kissing or making heart symbols with your hands will not be tolerated. Any players perpetuating in these
acts will more than likely be stoned to death.
•No alcohol will be allowed in the stadium. Anyone caught drinking or drunk in the ground will receive a punishment of stoning to death. This will be incredibly difficult for fans of teams such as West Ham as getting tanked up is literally the only way to get through one of their games
•As drugs are forbidden even legal ones you should always carry around a copy of your prescription with you. Meaning Andy Carroll will always be lugging a massive bag around.
Hopefully when the fans are cheering away as their new multi million pound signing scores again they give a little thought. That their success is coming from a country that beheads homosexuals and forbids women to drive.