Blackburn Rovers superstar striker Anthony Stokes has pleaded guilty to attacking an Elvis impersonator one night out in the ghetto. The 28 year old has was described as having a "wooden heart" by the prosecutor displayed a lack of empathy as he entered his plea.
He said he was deeply sorry for the incident and it was "always on my mind" whenever he pulled on the famous blue and white quarters of Blackburn.
The attack happened because the Elvis impersonator (who shall remain nameless was suspected by Stokes to be marking all his mail (addressed to Stokes) as "Return To Sender". Due to this Stokes believed he had missed out on several; vouchers entitling him to a free hotel stay , which he was going to use to get over the heartbreak of his beloved hound dog dying.
Stokes confronted the Elvis impersonator and reportedly told him "A little less conversation from you pal" and nutted him in the side of his head. But, as Blackburn fans can attest to, his aim was off and he had to repeat the attack several times before he scored. Erm hit him.
At court today the presiding judge informed him that it was "now or never" to enter his plea. As Anthony looked down at his fancy suede shoes (which were blue) he admitted his guilt.
The Elvis impersonator admitted the incident had left him all shook up but he vowed to carry on performing.
Next time instead of hitting him with a fist maybe Anthony could just hit him with a big o hunk of love?