Written by XRhonda Speaks
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Sunday, 30 October 2016

image for Biden Trump MMA Fight Set For After Election
An artist's rendering of what a Cruz/Trump fight might look like.

Joe "Boxer" Biden and Donald Trump will put words to action when they meet for an MMA match following the presidential election.

The Trump campaign has already hired Mickey Goldmill to train The Donald before the match, though Trump has typically refused to engage in any kind of pre-fight preparation.

Still, Trump waved a letter from Goldmill at a rally where he declared he would fight Joe Biden.

"My trainer Mickey says I'll be the healthiest president to step into a MMA ring to fight. Folks, I can't wait till the election is over, I'd love to beat up Joe Biden when I'm president elect."

Sports writers and political pundits are ridiculing the idea of any kind of fight between the two men, citing both their ages and the high chance of injuries.

TV talking head Doctor Drew questioned their mental health.

"I thought Joe Biden would be beyond this kind of stuff, both of these men must have early stage dementia, clearly their families or doctors should intervene."

Biden for his part downplayed any plan to fight Trump when he spoke to the press in DC.

"I was joking when I said I would fight Trump if he would finally donate some real money to charity. But if he really does follow through with some honest and transparent charitable giving, I actually would be game for an MMA or any kind of match up with Trump if it was for a good cause.

Cruz, Johnson Weigh In

Presidential candidate and former governor Gary Johnson let it be known that he would love to fight Donald Trump If Biden can't do it for some reason.

"I can't find a leppo anywhere on my map, but look, I've done cocaine on the highest mountaintops in the world including Everest, I could kick that pussy Donald Trump's ass in my sleep."

Ted Cruz has volunteered to be a sparring partner for Donald Trump. It's rumored that Ted Cruz really wants a fight with Donald Trump but believes sparring with the billionaire will be be the closest Trump ever gets to fighting anyone given his poor health and lack of conditioning.

Even the Pope has publicly supported a Trump/Biden fight in the name of charity, but in private he supports Ted Cruz, who has a special relationship with the Pope and the Catholic Church. According to a source close to his holiness, he was quoted as saying, "Teddy [Ted Cruz], bless his heart, he will destroy Donald Trump during practice so Joe Biden will never get a chance."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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