Written by Mike Peril
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Friday, 30 September 2016

image for Patriots To Replace Brady with "Floating Quarterbacks"
QB Termination is a result of Deflategate

Foxboro, MA - Management for the New England Patriots reportedly plans to terminate its superstar quarterback, Tom Brady, in the coming weeks and replace him with a team of "floating quarterbacks."

The team will test a concept loosely based on "getting rid of the middle man" by having the team's Center toss the football directly to any player. That player can then make the choice to run or pass the ball, or if he is in trouble, to just stand there and scream. The new position will be called "floating quarterback" and the plan is expected to save the team millions of dollars in compensation.

It is believed that some of the salary savings will trickle down to the fans, at a rate of $.10 per ticket, and the remainder will be distributed to the other players through bonuses.

Coach Bill Belichick stated, "All our quarterbacks will be terminated immediately so that they can continue to pursue modeling careers. Frankly, they were a bunch of wusses, with Tom's balls leading us to Deflategate and a four game suspension, and our other two QB's whose names I barely remember getting injured after just one game each, for that kind of money, give me a break."

The Patriots are the first team to try out the "floating quarterback" concept. The team has proven that even without Brady, they win games.

Stated Patriots Center David Andrews, "So, I just toss the friggin' ball under my legs to whoever I want and they just go with it. I'm down with that. Four downs even."

No comment from Tom Brady, who is in Italy during his suspension on a photo shoot with spouse and model Gisele Bundchen. Brady is rumored to be interested in a professional baseball career and has consulted with Tim Tebow on the matter, according to sources.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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