Written by T. Loaf
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Wednesday, 28 September 2016

The real reason for Sam Allardyce being sacked as England football manager has now come to light. While the official version is that he helped others circumvent FA rules on transfers, insiders have revealed that his obsession with playing games of any kind at any time brought about his fall from grace.

In his only qualifying match as manager, he could be seen playing Pokemon Go at half time in Slovakia, furiously kicking down a corner flag and requesting a security official to "get out the f...g way", in his inimitable diplomatic tone.
He was recently arrested by police for dismantling an old Citroen in the F.A. car park searching for a "f..g unique little Pokemon bloke".

On bus hourneys to games or training, he would force staff to play scrabble with him. "It was awful", said one player, "he always hid two 'C's down his Y-fronts. He didn't talk to me for two hours after I beat him at Snakes and Ladders. The entire dressing room is covered in Settlers of Catan pieces, and you should hear the language if anyone moves anything. He's a games junky. He substituted me against Slovakia, and his first words when I came off the pitch were: 'Wanna a quick round of Snap?'".

Allardyce was not available for comment, but could be seen setting up a Monopoly board in his front garden. "Anyone want the top hat?", he asked onlooking journalists. "And it's my f...g go first...."

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