Written by j.w.
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Wednesday, 28 September 2016

image for Big Sam's Sacrifice
Big Sam with West Ham Director Karen Brady

Big Sam Allardyce has made a glorious gesture and decided that West Ham need him more than England.

Th Hammers, now in the relegation zone of the Premier league have been named Harry Gold's Pieces of Eight due to the number of players West Ham seem to have on the pitch nowadays. Owner Harry Gold put down his tuba to tell our football reporter Johnny Wright that he would be pawning his current manager Slaven Bilic so he could offer Big Sam a deal.

Throughout East London and beyond there is a demand from Hammers fans: clean sheets. They remember the glory days when Allardyce could guarantee a 0-0 draw every week. It sounds like Utopia today.

So Sam leaves England and re-joins the Hammers, replacing Bilic who replaced him.

You might think this was all Sam could want. But he has another burning ambition: To be a contestant on 'Strictly Come Dancing'!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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