Written by thomas o'hanlon
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Saturday, 24 September 2016

image for Bill Belichick to Quarterback Game 4

Due to the concussions suffered by his third string quarterback and his emergency replacement, Bill Belichick, head coach of the New England Patriots will play that position for his team next Sunday when they host the Buffalo Bills.

"it's a no brainer" he muttered into the mics at the podium of the press conference at Gillete stadium "We don't have time to bring in an outsider to learn the intricacies of my playbook"

When asked if he would fear for his life running from large professional athletes intending to inflict damage on him he replied "I have given my offensive line instructions on how to not let that happen."

Apparently this was not the first course of action the coach took to weather the final week of his starting quarterback's suspension and eventual injuries to the backups. Multiple reports from Buffalo and Boston claim that Coach Belichick approached the Bills Head coach Rex Ryan to see if the Bills would be interested in forfeiting the game. Surprisingly, after listening to his game plan coach Ryan agreed to the forfeit, taking the inevitable loss without exposing his team to the embarrassment of failing against an aging, pudgy, short man.

NFL headquarters shot that agreement down immediately which led to this startling turn of events.

When asked what number he would be wearing the coach rolled his eyes and said "I am not wearing a uniform, that would be stupid to measure and fit me for cleats, a helmet, pants, and a shirt for one game!"

"What will you be wearing? asked a reporter.

"You're lookin' at it" said the clearly uncomfortable coach wearing a cut off gray sweatshirt emblazoned with NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS, wrinkled khakis and flip flops.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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