Written by StubbornGorilla
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 30 August 2016

image for Colin Kaepernick spends night at Holiday Inn, becomes expert in discrimination
Perhaps it's time to go back to the drawing board, Kaep.

After spending the previous night at a Holiday Inn, Colin Kaepernick became enlightened to the plight of minorities in the United States, and staged a protest at an NFL pre-season game.

"I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color. To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder." Kaepernick announced.

After spending his entire life in the luxury of suburbia and professional sports fame, Colin needed the experience of spending one night in a regular hotel to understand what it's like to be an average minority in America. It helped that Holiday Inn is has the reputation of turning people into experts at untried disciplines overnight.

The end result is Kaepernick's controversial show of protest during an NFL pre-season game. With this, Colin proved that becoming an overnight expert at something doesn't always mean you know the best way to execute it.

Kaepernick burst on to the NFL scene with a number of electrifying performances that took the 49ers to a game away from the Superbowl in 2011. Unfortunately, after game film of him became available it became obvious that he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. His career has been on the down slide ever since. After spending the last several off seasons on farms Colin is now capable of hitting the side of a barn, but unfortunately, the 49ers have not opted to draft any farm structures in that time frame.

An unnamed representative from XAM Sports, the company that represents Kapernick stated, "With as bad as he's been on the field, one of our team members floated the idea to Colin that it might not be a bad idea to get the press talking about something other than his play. This probably wasn't exactly what they had in mind when they suggested it to him."

Colin Kaepernick has since stated that in a related move he will no long listen to "I'm the Man" and will switch to "Fight the Power", although Chuck D from Public Enemy has been quoted as saying, "DON'T."

Chances that Kaep's recent publicity stunt will do anything other than provide a bored press cycle some cannon fodder has been described as "not likely."

Make StubbornGorilla's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 4?

2 25 15 12
37 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more