Written by Jung in the Jungle
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Thursday, 18 August 2016

image for Lochte's mates in Rio undergo some good old South American confession extraction
One of the swimmers at the press conference dobbing in Lochtes

Authorities now have proof that they were not victims of Police raid on their taxi but had got busted pissing on some Brazilians and is trying to cover their tracks.

In a recent interview with western media, Brazilian Authorities have discovered during some harmless enough interrogation that Lochte is full of piss, or to be more precise the Brazilians around him are covered in piss. They are rightfully outraged he has tried to cover his tracks by reporting a crime. Police were immediately suspicious given the virtual cessation of crime in Rio after the new legislation was introduced. and immediately suspected foul play.

Lochtes worried about a bit of jail date rape in Brazil decided to get back to the USA where if he went to prison he would get a better class of jail date rape. When asked about his mates dobbing him in he said it was understandable as the swimmer that was at the press conference certainly seemed a bit shaken up, and that now he was back in the land of the free he was happy to take the fall for the team.

When asked if there was any truth to the allegations he cited a "it is common practice in South America of pissing wherever you feel like". He added "surely with so many Gold medals he could not see why he couldn't piss on anyone he felt like".

Apparently the security guard that pulled a gun at the garage where he busted up the toilet didn't think he had that right. Lochte put it down as a "cross-cultural language mis-understanding".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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