Written by Jung in the Jungle
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Thursday, 18 August 2016

image for Brazilian Government carries through threat to block exit of 'nasty ungracious Olympic visitors'

As reported previously the Brazilian government has detained 2 US swimmers on the basis they made a false report of being mugged by the cops.

Several other athletes have also been arrested for a range of crimes including leaving the Olympic Village Bunker without a security detail, taking pictures of slums and listening to the tragic stories of locals that don't have a home. But far and away the most condemned crime is the allegedly fabricated story of some rich white guys looking conspicuous getting mugged.

The Brazilian Authorities are said to be incensed that the accusation that somebody got mugged in Rio has been taken seriously by the western media. "Rio is one of the safest places in the world they bragged". Since the recent legislation making it illegal to report a crime with 25 years in the bin "we haven't had a reported crime in Rio for years". "This is why the American swimmers 'alleged mugging' was such a shock to us", authorities claimed.

The government were very pleased that their regulatory framework had almost overnight eradicated crime in Rio. "It is a very serious crime to report a crime here and that has helped to keep the statistics looking good", authorities further bragged. This was part of the Olympic Committee requirements for us to host the games, we had to get crime stats below their prescribed levels and we are proud of our leading edge innovative means of dealing with the problem.

The athletes were being stored in the maximum high security prison with all the amenities and joys the other inmates get. "we don't discriminate here everyone gets treated equally", they claimed.

Many western countries have now put their respective Black Ops teams on Defcon level 5 and many are expected to be undertaking 'extraction missions' to get their athletes home in the near future. Western government diplomats are worried these Olympics could have the least surviving athlete return to home ratio since Munich 72 games.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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