Written by Jung in the Jungle
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Thursday, 18 August 2016

image for Phelps to retire - can't afford IRS tax bill for Gold Medals
Phelps going broke from winning

In a shock announcement Phelps is to throw in the towel saying he can't afford the taxbill from IRS everytime he wins. It was bad enough the media gave him such a hard time now the IRS was punishing him for being a world champion.

It is rumoured that he has to pay $3.2M for each Medal he takes home. He has said "that's it I can't afford to win anymore, I'm going back to the Ranch to shoot clay pigeons and drink bourbon and branch water".

In a near tragedy as he was posing for media shots he fell in the pool and required assistance from lifeguards. Apparently all the gold medals around his neck were so heavy they dragged him down to the bottom and couldn't swim back airside.

He noted that there were real risks in competing in foreign countries citing the seizure of 3 athletes passports for telling nasty stories about being robbed that didn't conform the Brazilian 'plausible deniability'.

He also made a rare political comment about the fact that just because he had an active mind when he was young the government wanted to dope him out with zombie pills. He is so glad his family found him a swimming pool where he could express his potential instead of being an enforced zombie pill neurotic junkie.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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