Written by Jaggedone
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Wednesday, 3 August 2016

image for Wayne Rooney's final wig attempt televised live on Facebook!
"Es war Einmal" that hair inflicted Rooney's Scouser bonce! A lost battle it seems!

Facebook have decided to show a unique insight into the bald life of superstar footballer, Wayne Rooney, tonight! They will be live-streaming his road to baldness live and there will even be close-ups of several attempts to reconstruct his thinning, receding hair line.

Wayne and Facebook are expecting at least 1.7 billion viewers to log in tonight as several famous hairdressers attempt to thicken his thick head live! In addition, all of Wayne's hair that is lost in the battle will be offered in a Christy's auction in the aid of kiddies charities!

Wayne has reached the ripe old age of 30 now and his hair-line has incurred many battles with hair experts during his career, cost thousands, but it never seems to win, and tonight is a last ditch effort to save the few hairs left on his bonce live in front of his Facebook lovers all over the planet.

His new boss, The Special One, Jose Mourinho, who boasts a full head of hair aged 53, gave Wayne some advice before his unique show begins and here it is:

"Wayne, my boy, concentrate on your football, that is bad enough, and stop attempting to achieve the impossible! Your hair is a lost cause and a Wayne wig would be a much better idea than having specialists poking even more holes in your already punctured head!"

So Rooney fans all over the planet, tune in to Facebook and enjoy the Wayne Rooney Hairless Exhibition and please do not to forget to purchase his final crop of hair before he at last, hopefully, retires, and goes bald in peace!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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