Flushing, New York - Having no players skilled enough to deserve that their numbers be retired, the New York Mets have developed a new honor. The team is retiring its manager's shoe size.
"I'm thrilled to be the first major league manager to have his shoe size immortalized," said manager Terry Collins. "It is a very important statistic.
"It is the measure of the man you might say."
"I'm looking forward to the ceremony which will induct me into the Dr. Scholl's Hall of Fame."
Actually, there will be no ceremony or induction. The award is a hoax developed by Sandy Alderson, the Mets general manager.
"The idea is to keep Collins off the field and out of trouble." Said Anderson. "if that means he has to go without shoes, so be it,"