Ian 'Beefy' Botham has today launched a devastating attack on himself in a move that's got the sports world reeling.
Botham was speaking from the Shredded Wheat UK Headquarters, where he was signing a new lucrative contract said to be a six figure sum by some. Just to think he gets all that dough to endorse something that tastes like wallpaper paste that's gone off with straw mixed into it. Amazing!
Anyhow a shame-faced Guy the Gorilla said:
"When I spoke out about the lads recently in The Spoof I had no right to. They're out there doing a job for the country and they can't help it if they're totally crap compared to the Windies can they?
What we need to do is sack them all and then pick some decent players and maybe that will get us somewhere, because quite frankly, I'm ashamed to be in any way associated with the miserable shower"
Beefy, the one time mullet-sporting star, then got into his £4,000,000 Hummer car and sent the press pack and gravel scattering in all directions as he 'gave it some welly' out of the car park.
Tony the Tiger was asked for a comment and he said:
"Beefy Botham? Heeeee's...a total mental case! But he's great" without, rather surprisingly we thought, rolling the 'r' in great. He missed a trick there all right.