Written by D P Whitehead
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Thursday, 21 July 2016

image for Allardyce Names Squad For 2018 World Cup Embarrassment
England's World Cup Mascot: Peter the Pint.

Sam Allardyce has named his 23 man squad for the 2018 FIFA World Cup with Paul Gasgoine in alongside Kenny Sansom while Bobby Charlton and Gordon Banks miss out along with the late Stanley Matthews.

Gasgoine impressed during Euro '96 scoring against Scotland, while Sansom has done enough to prove his fitness by downing 12 pints before lunchtime.

England is planning on losing to Tonga in Moscow during the second round before they head off for a piss up in Ibiza.

Allardyce's decision means England will have a squad with an average blood alcohol level of 0.45.

The unit also includes Andy Carroll (BAC 0.26), Paul Merson (BAC 0.33), Tony Adams (BAC 0.38), Malcolm Macdonald (BAC 0.27), and Jimmy Greaves (BAC 0.51).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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