Written by StubbornGorilla
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Tuesday, 12 July 2016

Despite France's attempts to use trained attack moths to increase their advantage against the underdog Portugal in the 2016 UEFA Euro Final, Portugal stole a surprising 1-0 victory against all odds. It has been speculated that the move to employ the moths may even have backfired.

After seeing the successful use of attack moths against them in the Battle of Waterloo in 1815, France has been training and utilizing their own moths ever since with, unfortunately, less than stellar results.

Approximately 24 minutes into the match, one of the moths launched an attack on the already ailing Portugal star Cristiano Ronaldo. It was a vicious attack that nearly cost the dashing athlete his right eye and part of his nose. Cristiano fought off the attack valiantly, and even managed to return to the match afterwards. Unfortunately, the carnage from the vicious moth attack took its tole, and Ronaldo was forced to exit the match permanently moments later.

It is believed that this unsportsmanlike attack by the French trained moth was the inspiration that the Portuguese team used to fuel its stunning upset victory. Portugal team manager Fernando Santos confirmed as much.

"It was the moth that sparked our team to victory," the victorious manager proclaimed. "The odds were stacked against us, and our chances were quite low. When we saw that moth hurt Ronaldo it made our blood boil, and our competitive spirits rise!"

Just before striking the amazing extra time goal Eder Lopes is said to have declared, "this is for Ronaldo, you moth brandishing cheats!"

Raphael Guerreiro reportedly addressed the losing French team after the match by saying, "give our regards to Napoleon when they banish you to Saint Helena for your failure!"

After they lifted the cup, the Portugal team lit a torch thus drawing all the remaining attack moths to the fire, and an untimely demise.

France was desperate to keep their home field winning streak at the Stade de France alive, which is believed to be the impetus for utilizing the moths during the match. It is only the second time the moths were known to be used by France outside of acts of war. The other time was during the 2002 match against Senegal, which ironically, ended in a 1-0 upset loss.

France was mum on the scandal, and has yet to announce if this latest failure will have any impact on the continued use of moths in situations of conflict.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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