Ornery Toronto Blue Jays manager John Gibbons has always tried to stay ahead of the baseball curve by seeking out machinations to give him an advantage over his opponents. Today the manager announced the team has hired a Zamboni driver to work on the grounds crew.
Gibbons addressed the press while sitting in his office with voodoo dolls consisting of all the American managers and players stating:
"This Zamboni driver is going to be the 26th player on our team. He's going to be a really big impact on all of our home games".
When asked to explain he displayed a devious smile and continued:
"Well you have to consider when there is rain during the game, the game only gets called if the field becomes unplayable. If we have a Zamboni driver to resurface the field and evaporate all the excess water the game can continue. So the deal is, when it rains we're going to have the Zamboni guy dry the field off before we take it which will make fielding the ball easier. We won't use the Zamboni guy before our opponents take the field. This will allow us to play on a dry field and them to play on a wet and slippery field".
Unfortunately, for Gibbons, members of the press pointed out the Blue Jays play in a stadium with a retractable dome. The dome is closed when rain is forecast causing the field to be dry all of the time.
As of press time, Gibbons was spotted sneaking along the catwalks above the stadium trying to disable the dome to keep it opened permanently.