Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: GRONK, GQ

Saturday, 14 May 2016

DATELINE: WESTERN WORLD --Rob Gronkowski has been put on the cover of GQ Magazine for June, and the cover of Madden mad sports for 2017.

Cover boy is merely another sobriquet tossed before the Gigantica Pithicus of the Patriots. We can never become pithy when it comes to Gronk.

He is everything Tom Brady is not. Or worse, he is everything Tom Brady is in spades.

Gronk hardly seems the gentlemanly sort. He might drag a mate into a man cave or onto a Mal de Merry ship's cruise. We do see him on the boxtop for an NFL computer game. He is Donkey Kong in the flesh.

On GQ he once again displays his version of Einstein's Theory of Relativity: pecs and abs countering string-bean quantum physics or physiques.

Much to our disappointment, there is no nude centerfold of Gronk. He leaves everything to the imagination. It's no mean trick he plays on his fans.

He always seems to have some girl in a bikini on his shoulders instead of the globe of Atlas. We suspect deep down he is a big Sisyphus, hauling those girls up the mountain during the day and having them tumble down every night.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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