Written by StubbornGorilla
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Monday, 25 January 2016

The New England Patriots were robbed at a chance to recheat as Superbowl Champions, because they had to play the AFC Championship Game away from Gillette Stadium, according to multiple team sources.

"It's always harder to win on the road," coach Bill Belichick stated.

The coach went on to express frustration concerning the opposing team's ability to communicate among itself. "Along with the lack of crowd noise to disrupt communication on the field, dealing with an opponent when their headsets work makes it that much harder to mount an advantage."

Belichick also went on to complain about not having "homer refs" to aid with some hometown friendly penalty calling.

Tom Brady was quoted as saying, "WAAAAAAH, its not fair! I always win!"

Julian Edelman added, "yeah, it's really a lot harder when the defensive coaches can call in plays. We are not used to that."

Linebacker Jamie Collins made similar complaints on the defensive side of the ball, "Man, that was tough playing on even footing. Peyton Manning can't throw past twenty yards, but we still couldn't beat them without stealing their playbook in advance. Playing fair sucks!"

Rob Gronkowski was upset that he wasn't used more successfully in the passing game saying, "Gronk no get ball much. Me can no catch no balls no throw to Gronk. Gronk hungry, go eat sandwich."

Owner, Robert Kraft also expressed disappointment about the game's end result, "When a game can't be predetermined just by our team's presence on the field, I believe it may be time to reevaluate the commissioner position of the NFL."

There is no word yet if the Patriots will call for an investigation to see if there was any opportunity to cheat that wasn't afforded to them. In the meantime, they will have to be content basking in the glow of their four most recent cheat-filled championship accolades to keep them warm through the long offseason.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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