Written by StubbornGorilla
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Monday, 11 January 2016

image for Pac-Man seeks to distance himself from Adam Jones after Playoff Meltdown
"If I lose a game it's not because I lose my temper over a little trash talk."

Pac-Man, the ubiquitous yellow circle turned video game icon has made a concerted effort to distance himself from Cincinnati Bengal, Adam Jones after his total lack of discipline robbed the good citizens of Ohio yet another chance to scrape out of sports playoff oblivion they have been wallowing in for decades.

"I know how to act like a professional," Pac-Man said at a press conference on Sunday. "Adam clearly does not."

Asked how the two are affiliated in the first place, Pac-Man stated, "I'm really not sure. Maybe he consumes regenerating ghosts," the famous yellow dot quipped. "A better guess would be that he is also well versed in the use of power pellets."

With the laundry list of legal offenses, and a reputation for poor and selfish behavior attached to Adam Jones, Pac-Man was asked why he didn't try to emphasize the differentiation between them earlier, "Well, Adam used to just be an occasional blip on the media radar. With all of his brushes with the law I really didn't expect him to be around for long. His ability to act like a criminal and still maintain the career of a professional athlete surprised me."

After the most ridiculous meltdown in playoff sports history Pac-Man appears to have had enough.

"In the past if someone would ask me about him I could just say, "yeah, we don't really know each other" and that would be that. After watching that embarrassing display on national television on Saturday night I knew he'd be all over the place again, and guess I decided enough is enough."

Pac-Man was asked if he had any advice for the wayward football player, "Yeah, grow up. If a ghost monster gets in my face before I eat a power pellet I can't go off on him all half-cocked. Frankly, I'd get eaten if I did. If Adam Jones can't handle a little trash talk from a retired linebacker when he knows his actions could cost him the game then maybe he's the one that shouldn't have been on the field."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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