Written by T. Loaf
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Wednesday, 30 September 2015

In an extraordinary announcement made by the FIFA President, Sepp Blatter, yesterday it was confirmed that Wales will host the Football World Cup in 2034.

"We need to scale down", said Blatter. "Some people think FIFA is all about money. It isn't. We don't need any more money. We need to help underdeveloped, poor countries like Qatar and, well, Wales."

Rhyl has been earmarked for the final on July 30. 2034 while the semis will be played in Merthyr Tydfil and Llandudno.

Sally Jones, hairdresser from Rhyl, commented, "I'm not surprised. We had to have some luck some time, especially after Woolworth and the Abbey National closed down. It'll be great for the B&B business round here. And of course they'll all want something to eat. I think we deserve it. I like Sepp Blatter. Schwytzerd├╝tsch sounds like Welsh, don't you think? And I don't believe they're corrupt, they just share their money. I mean, I lent 20 pounds to Janice last week. She spent it on nail varnish. Do I mind?!"

Blatter had words of sympathy for the 'close runner-up', Burkina Faso. "They almost gave, er,.... sorry,... did enough, but Wales' presentation won us over".

To promote the campaign, Wales had sent Tom Jones. His rendition of 'What's new pussycat' moved the FIFA Executive Committee to tears. He then showed them pictures of Dylan Thomas and demonstrated the versatility of the Welsh national emblem, the leek.

Jones said afterwards, "I hate football, but I'll sing anywhere."

Blatter was confident he'd be there to open the festival in 2034. "I see no reason why not", said the 79 year old.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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