Written by Paul Blake
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Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Charlotte, NC - It seems to any keen golf fan that World #1 golfer, Rory McIlroy, plays best after he has parted ways in a relationship. Last year, after kicking his fiancee, Woz, to the curb, he immediately won two big tournaments. Now, according to his caddie, Rory's recent winning streak can be attributed to a newly homeless hampster.

"Yeah, it was time for that hampster to go," said Mac's caddie, JP Fitzgerald. "It just wasn't working out between the two of them. Rory was spending way to much time fluffing up the gerbil's wood chips and watching him run on the little wheel. He needed to get back on the range and hit some golf balls."

So, according to his caddie, he and Rory took the hampster down to the edge of a swamp near Mac's Florida home and released the vermin into the wild. "It was a pretty emotional scene," explained Fitz. "especially after that gator got a hold of Rory's little buddy... it got pretty real after that."

But according to his caddie, this is when Rory seems to play at his best. "He became laser focused after the gerbil was a gotar snack," told Fitz, who now worries that after the rodent split, there isn't anything left to break up with if his star player gets a bad case of the yipes. "The only thing left to break up with is me..." said a worried looking Fitz, who plans on getting Rory a new puppy really, really soon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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