Written by Paul Blake
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Friday, 24 April 2015

image for Golfer Furyk Spotted Selling Tartan Jacket Trophy After Win at Hilton Head
Furyk had one putt left to win the ugliest jacket of his life.

Hilton Head, South Carolina - Our man on the golf scene, Chip Fairway, had been at the RBC Heritage Golf Tournament for four very long days - his work was done. There was nothing left to do but smudge some dirt over the scratch on his rental car and call it a day. That's when Chip saw Jim Furyk, the winner of the tournament in a playoff against local, Kevin Kisner, standing with another man in the hotel parking lot adjacent to the course.

We'll let Chip tell you first hand what he saw. "Well, Furyk looked really disgusted by the red Scottish Tartan Jacket he'd just won. He was making a hand motion like he wanted to rip his eyes right out of their sockets and sticking his index finger down his throat. Then he handed a plump looking fellow wearing a bright pink golf shirt the ugly jacket, in exchange for what looked to be a sweet stack of cash. Furyk did kept the bronze statue part of the trophy though, even nuzzled it on the nose a little, right there in front of this other guy. Looked like it got weird. Then Furyk took his giant check and the little bronze statue guy, got on a jet-ski and hi-tailed it out of there, thinking no one else had seen him."

Still, our man Chip, the vigilant golf-journalist, gave chase to the story.

"I was smart enough to bring my own jet ski with me this year, " told Fairway. "So, I caught up with him out in Calibogue Sound, where the waves get really rough, and I yelled over to him, 'Hey Jim, what in the heck happened with your jacket back there?'

And he was like: 'It got stolen!'"

Then, according to Fairway, Furyk's demeanor took a turn for the worse and he became irate, and tried to "take out" our man, Chip. "He got real pissed when I yelled back that he was lying about the jacket."

Furyk then apparently caught a three foot wave off of the wake of a party boat, scooping it like a 54 degree wedge.

"Yeah, he tried to swing some sort of fancy 'jet-ski flop-shot' right on top of me! Believe me, Old Jim seems to be just as versatile with a Polaris, as he is with his trusty Titleist Razor Bladz![/i"] told Chip, from Room # 2 at the Hilton Head Walk-In Clinic, where he'd just received twelve stitches in the back of his head. "Yeah, Furyk got me pretty good with that little Plantation Man statue! Trust me, from now on, I've learnt my lesson. I'll never bother Jim Furyk after a golf tournament again!" swore Fairway, downing a handful of Vicodins, while asking the attending nurse if she was a fan of this new i]Tinder he was hearing so much about.

-smooth one Chip, see you in New Orleans next weekend.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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