Written by Jaggedone
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Tuesday, 27 January 2015

image for Cambridge offer Louis van Gaal the key to the city!
Willem van Oranje failed miserably too!

Stressed Man United manager and master of much 'double Dutch" at his press conferences, Louis van Gaal, better known as LVG, has been given the key to Cambridge by the Lord Mayor.

The local football team, Cambridge United, made up of drunk, foreign students, ex-pros who never made it anywhere apart from the street, and a couple of rugby players who turned to soccer after failing to kick the right shaped ball into touch, nearly caused the biggest upset in the history of British soccer.

They had the audacity to surprise United's elite, multi-millionaire super-stars, by kicking the shit out of them and nearly spanked their very spoiled bums.

LVG, acknowledged the superb performance of Cambridge's decrepit team and offered them one week of Rooney's salary, before tax, to cover their budget for 2015 and offered also to send in the builders to rebuild their corrugated iron bogs built in 1825. The cost of rebuilding the filthy, stinking toilets would be covered by one day of Falcao's wages that he earns sitting on the bench, picking his nose and falling arse over tit every time a huge British defender blows in his ear; if he ever plays that is!

LVG thanked the mayor of Cambiridge in the following manner:

"Gottverdomme, dankjewel mijnnheer Burgermeester, ik ben so proud to have the sleutel of Cambridge City and maybe now Ik can learn enough Engels so Ik kan explain to mijn players mijn philosophy, because dey think Ik ben fooking Dubbel Dutch not Einstein!"

LVG, donned his University hat and cloak and retreated rather red cheeked because if Cambridge United thump United at United, he has vowed to give the key back and join Willem van Oranje in the history books as key Dutch figures who invaded England and failed miserably!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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