Written by Jaggedone
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Monday, 24 November 2014

image for Lewis Hamilton has fastest designer beard on the planet!
Oh that beard is just so sexy!

Newly crowned F1 world champion Brit, Lewis Hamilton, has also been crowned the prettiest champion ever apart from Scot, Jackie Stewart, whose red hair tickled the lassies fancies whilst blowing in the wind and kilt bearing a fine pair of ginger knock-knees, sexy devil!

Lewis, bless his thin designer beard and diamond earrings, has also been crowned "The Fastest Beard on the planet" in fact even Gillette cannot keep up with it. The prize on offer was a lifelong supply of Gillette razor blades, shaving cream, and a lorry load of electric razors, however, Lewis has donated his prize to bums, drug addicts and Alcoholics living under bridges in London, a fine gesture!

When asked why, he answered:

"It's Christmas and in my penthouse suites overlooking London, New York, Zurich, Milan and Paris there is no room or cupboards to put the stuff in and apart from that I have a Siamese cat who keeps my beard in trim with his or her tongue, in fact I don't even know what it is!"

Lewis has also promised to donate his champagne stained hats to charity hoping that they will fetch a huge amount to alleviate the suffering of poor buggars living near F1 circuits reaching deafness because he is nearly deaf himself and knows the feeling, what a diamond-studded gentleman he is!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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