Written by Jaime Tyler
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Wednesday, 20 August 2014

SAN FRANSISCO, Ca: Reports are flooding from inside the San Francisco Giants' Clubhouse regarding the release of their dumpy mid-season pickup, Dan Uggla. Uggla can't seem to find a home after his recent flop in Atlanta, as they released him just a few weeks prior for not producing a single hit all season.

San Francisco also had a hard time getting Uggla to work for his money, but it wasn't only his performance that got him kicked off the team. It started when batting coach, Hensley Meulens, asked Dan if he would be open to trying a larger Jersey size, suggesting that maybe his swing was cutoff by his tiny sleeves. "I fucking like the way it feels," Uggla blurted out in a fit of rage at the suggestion. "I buy from the kids section to save money," Dan then stated more calmly as he removed his hat to lather on some LA Looks styling gel.

The middle infield was given one more chance to express an open mind toward trying on a bigger uniform in a meeting with Manager, Bruce Bochy. 'Danny just doesn't want to try anything different. I like him a lot, and the dude gets mad pussy on the road, but we can't have someone around the clubhouse who isn't willing to adjust."

It was announced just a day later that Uggla would be released from the Giants Organization.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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