The Common Wealth Games are under way and we are assured they will be played out on a level playing field.
Out intrepid Athletics reporter Jock White has called from Glasgow to advise us that he has discovered the playing field is much higher one end than the other.
He looked into the situation and discovered one end of the playing field had been made much higher at one end compared to the other end.
Digging in the time honoured journalistic tradition he found under one end was an enormous pile of money.
He asked the organisers about this and was told that 'Of course the playing field is level if you look at it from an angle.'
'But most teams in the Games are playing uphill' noted our Jock 'that is hardly fair.'
'We've got to find something we can win' replied the famous Olypmian Sub Co Ltd 'the country needs some winners after the Football and the Cricket.'