Written by Jack Allen
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Tuesday, 22 July 2014

image for Leeds United Formation and Transfer Issues
If he's good enough he's old enough...hmm

The transfer situation at Leeds United has "gone into meltdown" as Dave Hockaday has admitted that "all the good players we (Leeds) want to sign won't be able to adapt to the amazing diamond formation the club now plays better than who we've got."

The diamond formation, currently perfected by Roy Hodgson, is the new official formation of the Elland Road outfit. However, the new coach has stated that even though the current squad have "players with the touch of a convicted rapist...they will understand their roles and responsibilities before the opening game better than any new signings could."

According to insiders at the club, a slow, predictable progression in the opposition's final third is believed to be enough to get the club out of the Championship. Whilst the aforementioned could be read two ways, there is another situation that has arisen in regards to Leeds' transfer dealings.

Leeds' transfers so far have created some hope for fans as an array of Italian players have been recently signed. However, Hockaday has said on the club's official website today that fast wingers are "not a priority", even though recent changes at other clubs could mean that Ricardo Vaz Te, Serge Gnabry, Max Gradel, Jordan Ibe, Suso and others talents could be looking for regular football next season. However, according to the club, Noël Hunt and Steve Morison will be masters of the wide role by the beginning of August due to their pace and rapport with the fans.

In the same interview, Dave Hockaday was asked about the situation at QPR where central defenders are being purchased in abundance. The head coach said that "even though he has moved down the pecking order, because we (Leeds) have talent like Wooton, there is no need to try and get Clint Hill. We'll get Clinto Hillio for a third of the price. Might even get a free striker to go with Matt Smith."

With a new formation being implemented, a currently incomplete squad, as well as the players having to live in Leeds, the club is seemingly moving in the same direction as a teenage girl at Magaluf, mamading for a bottle of WKD.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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