Written by Jackson Hoff
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Thursday, 17 July 2014

Wilfred "Willie" Makett, star shortstop and fan favorite of the Detroit Tigers broke his right leg last night in a freak accident at his home during the All-Star break and will be sidelined for the balance of the season. He told hospital personnel that he had gotten up in the early morning hours to relieve himself and inadvertently tripped over one of a number of stacks of $100-dollar bills. His wife, Tina, had moved them while Mable, her home maintenance engineer, was vacuuming earlier in the day. She had neglected to return them back to their previous location in the family 18-seat home theatre, next to the concession stand. The stack was worth about $8,500; Willie commented with a smile that that amount was about he makes for every time at-bat.

The team physician said it was a clean break, and that Makett should recover relatively quickly. "He's young, he's strong, and he's wealthy; he'll be just fine", commented his surgeon. Detroit manager Brad Ausmus meanwhile expressed some frustration upon hearing of the news. "I've seen players injured in bar fights. I know players who were out for weeks due to car accidents, gunshot wounds and simple illnesses, but this... I couldn't even imagine something like this, and i'm not laughing". His primary concern is to come up with a suitable replacement at shortstop since his go-to utility infielder is in the hospital after swallowing several razor blades on a dare. Regarding Makett's mishap, several of his teammates said that they had similar close calls, and that someone was bound to be the first.

Mrs. Makett would not talk to reporters and hasn't been seen publicly since the incident. Willie joked good-heartedly that his wife often mishandles the family finances. Makett's manager has directed the Detroit organization to now make payments via direct-deposit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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