Written by Cool Papa Bell
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Wednesday, 9 July 2014

PANDERING FALLS, ALASKA -- Sarah Palin is calling for the impeachment of LeBron James as the king of basketball, noting his pursuit of a max deal at the expense of loyalty to his most recent employer, the Miami Heat, is despicable, reprehensible, loathsome and other adjectives whose meanings she would have to look up to make sure they apply to the situation.

"His me-first attitude over faithfulness to a billionaire owner (Micky Arison) -- who lovingly nurtured LeBron like an estranged son from a youthful affair through court-ordered, every-other-weekend affection -- shows just how selfish and money-hungry athletes are today," said the GOP gadfly, who was paid six figures to write in crayon the op-ed piece on James for the conservative coloring book Little Miss Muffet's Parents Should Have To Pay For Her Free School Lunch Of Curds And Whey.

Palin said she's not sure of the process for impeaching James, but is encouraging House Speaker John Boehner, Nike, ESPN and NBA Commissioner Adam Silver to take up the cause. She said she would even appeal to the United States Supreme Court for a vote.

"5 to 4 and LeBron is no more," she said.

Palin said the Heat and in fact the entire NBA are in a state of disarray because of James, as other free agents -- and even his teammates -- await his every move, wondering if they'll have to lay off their butlers, gardeners, nannies and pedicurists.

"LeBron should not be rewarded for pimping out his services to the highest bidder, like my daughter Bristol was," said Palin. "It is time to bring him down and make him appreciate the fact he is letting his boyz D-Wade and Chris Bosh hang out to dry."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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