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Saturday, 5 July 2014

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Thargs like to visit the undersea kingdom of Squidland when on Earth, which is why you probably haven't heard of them

Aliens from the distant planet of Tharg have officially protested to FIFA that they were not invited to the 2014 football World Cup currently taking place in Brazil.

A spokesman for the green-skinned race of decapods said, "We were very sad not to be invited. We have had informal relations with Earth for over 5 million years now, and we are an associate member of FIFA."

FIFA recognises the planet of Tharg and its governing football body TUFA, but has never invited Thargonians to the World Cup. FIFA President Sepp Blatter said it was a simple question of biology. "With their ten tentacles, the ability to fly and extremely sharp fangs, they would have an unfair advantage over the other teams as well as being a serious risk to health and safety."

Blatter also voiced concerns over some of the footballing customs on the planet Tharg, where the losing team and all referees are often eaten by the victors. "That breaks at least three FIFA regulations," he explained.

However, Blatter was open to the possibility of holding the 2032 World Cup contest on the ice moon of Tharga B. Despite freezing temperatures of -100 degrees C, a complete lack of infrastructure, and many very dangerous megafauna including giant ice bears and two-headed wolves the size of buses, FIFA agreed that "at least it was a better choice than Qatar."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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