Written by Backandtotheleft
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Friday, 27 June 2014

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With all the fuss surrounding Luis Suarez and his biting of the one defender in the Italy team who looks like he could kill a bear with his bare hands, we decided to review the situation. We also decided that no matter how much we could beef up this article with biting related puns we are not going to do anything of the sort. We're classy.

FIFA have banned Luis from the rest of the world cup which is a shame because he is an absolute joy to watch. More tricks than a magician and more determined that a Jihadist he is a player any team would have in their side. With Mario Balotelli also gone who will provide the madcap moment which loses his team a semi-final?

Our argument is not saying that what Luis did was wrong he just did it at the wrong time. Doing it in the group stage? That's like blowing your load just as your about to touch Jessica Alba's leg, premature. To be remembered at the world cup you have to make a definitive impact on the latter stages of the competition, not just on Chiellini's shoulder. He should have waited, bided his time then gone for Loic Remy in the semis. Although Luis does have a tendency to attack the players who look (and play) like their happy to murder the opposition so maybe he would have been better waiting for Lahm in the semis. That man has eyebrows that have a life of their own.

It's a shame that the world cup has been overshadowed by Luis and his weapon of choice rather than for Neymar's diving, Ghana's greed or FIFA being wanker's.

To end on a positive note a big well done to Algeria. Not only did they knock out Postman Pat (ex-England Manager (read tosser) Fabio Capello) but they have a chance to become heroes all over the world if they knock out the Germans. Now that would be a story fitting of a world cup rather than a child's playground which is where the Suarez story belongs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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